Monday, August 3, 2009

one of those days.

Well, this day started out awesome. Today was Ethan's first day of Kindergarten. Well, kind of. We (meaning me, John, and the rugrat) went and filled out some papers, paid a lot of money, signed him up for the YMCA after program, and then left. He won't actually start going everyday like a real schooler until August 17th. This day is the birthday of a dear friend whom I miss so much and I wish she was here for me to celebrate with her, so I think it is God's way of saying Ethan is looked out for :-)

Anyway, that was fun. And I am glad John and I took him together. It is a day we have been thinking about for a long time and it was nice having him there. Then it was off to work. Which normally I would be bitching about, but at this point in my life I am so very thankful and blessed to the wonderful family who gave this kid a break. I was desperate. And God sent them right to me. So work was good. On that note, I got home and got to check out the pictures from the Green Day concert I went to with Sarah this past Friday night. It was a kick-ass show, which surprised me. I like Green Day's old jams, hate their new stuff, but we danced our booties off and it was nice having a night off after working 50 some odd hours last week. Check these out:

Sarah loves being artsy-fartsy.
wrong camera. oh well.

We were just too cool for school.
we thought we would both be artsy. we think it's cool.

That's when the beer made us dance :-)

Anywho, a great night with a great friend. Once I got home this day went down the toilet, for sure. Maybe it is me being selfish, maybe it is me being a big baby. But just for today, I am going to allow myself to do so. First of all, when I lost my job three weeks ago, I decided that this past Friday would be Ethan's last day at daycare since I was not working and could not afford it. Plus he would be starting school, so what would it matter. Well now he is only going 2 days a week until Aug. 17th and I am helping a friend out at their business M-F allllll day. Which is wonderful, believe me, because it is keeping the bills paid. But Mom sleeps all day from working the night-shift so she can't keep him during the day. My impulsive self should have thought this through before I jerked him out of daycare to save a buck or two. Oh well. Now I know better.
That is just my first complaint so please bare with me. Again, I am just being a big baby tonight. I want a job as a nurse, damn it. I worked my behind off and sacrificed EVERYTHING to do this. Now because of some mess at Hendersonville, I am no longer working there. Ya know how all you hear on the tv is how there is such a nursing shortage? Yeah, BS! There are jobs, alright, but no one will hire you as a new grad. They want experienced nurses. My boards have been put off until now and it is near impossible to find something. Which is depressing, especially since student loan repayment starts in a couple of months. ah. I know this will all be ok. It is just heartbreaking to work so hard for something, then graduate and feel like you will never get a job. I know something will come up, it is just hard to see that right now. But trust me, I am just thankful to have A job...any job. So I am content for now :-)
All of this stress is making me not a very nice person. Caleb is not liking it at all. And being an hour away from him, so only seeing him once a week if I am lucky is really wearing on us. God bless his soul for putting up with me. I just wish he could come down to my level for just a second and see where I come from. I don't expect him to get it. He has it all together. And I am beyond thrilled for him, as he has worked his butt off too. It just reminds me of how crazy/hectic/unorganized my life is and makes me embarassed because I am nowhere near where he is. I don't know why I feel embarassed because he loves me no matter what. Either way, all of this stress is wearing on us big time so for now I am just putting it all in God's hands. His plan is bigger. I just wish he would show me a little bit of it.
I have been praying for so many answers in my life lately that it is not even funny. Have you ever had someone who was such a huge part of your life at one point all of a sudden disappear? Then years later, for no rhyme or reason they are back? And it makes you rethink everything in your life. Why did you leave in the first place? If I give all this up for you, would it be like it used to? Well I have. God, please give me some answers. I am surely going crazy and making everyone else around me crazy as well. Until next time :-)

Oh and p.s. my mom just called and we have found someone to keep little man. What would I do without her?

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